There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
