If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
