Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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