I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
