she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
