My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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