I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
