There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
