No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
