ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
