I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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