Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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