I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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