My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
