In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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