just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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