We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
