my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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