Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
