And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
