i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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