Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
