you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
