That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
