In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
