I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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