Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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