using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize