There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
