So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
