My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You can't special order awesome
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
