My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
