it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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