Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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