dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
