Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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