the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
