I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
