i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
