the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
