you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
