Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize