he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
