i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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