just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
