If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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