how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
