I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
