Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
