You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
