so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize