Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
