No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
