i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
