Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize