and you said cock pushups were impossible
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
3 2 1 whiskey
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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