I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
