my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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