apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
