note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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