Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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