we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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