I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
