Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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