I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
