I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
