ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
