it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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