i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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