So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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