For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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