You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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