i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
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