I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
