somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize