i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
