to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
