The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I think your dad took our porno
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
