I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
