he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
