I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
