what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
