Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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