Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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