He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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