Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well I just put wine in my tea
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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