I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
