the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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