Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
