Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
false alarm, still single
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
