Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
