Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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