So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
