By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize