The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
