I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize