I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
