First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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