State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
