I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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