yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
