Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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