We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
