I think my fart just growled at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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