i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
